The Art of Seduction... In Spanish

Raul Guerrero salonespanol.com

Seducing is art, and survival instinct. Some Spanish-speakers prefer the word coquetear (flirt) or bacilar (jest). Others opt for the traditional enamorar (to make him/her fall in love).

Seduction, la seducción, fortunately for those new to the Spanish-language, has more to do with body language than Spanish pluperfect subjunctives. It has to do, said one Dating Coach, with conniving, a verb with several Spanish equivalents: cranear (craneo is cranium, the verb would be to brain-out), confabular (connive), planificar (to plan), estrategizar (strategize), calcular (calculate), and the good old pensar (to think).

Ten Rules to Seduce [According to an unscrupulous Dating Coach]

1. Don’t talk about yourself. Listen. No hable de usted mismo. Escuche.
2. Work on your sense of humor. Laughter is great aphrodisiac. Trabaje en su sentido de humor. La risa es un gran afrodisíaco.
3. Show confidence. Nietzsche said: All swindlers have in common the air of total self-confidence while in the act of deception. Demuestre confianza. Nietzsche dijo: Todos los embusteros tienen en común un aire de confianza total durante el acto del engaño.
4. Cultivate mystery. Don’t play all your cards at once. But exuding an aura of mystery is not the same as being mysterious. Mystery is challenging. A mysterious person is melodramatically tacky. Cultive el misterio. No muestre todas su cartas de una vez. Pero emanar un aire de misterio no es lo mismo que parecer misterioso. El misterio es un desafío. Una persona misteriosa es melodramática y cursi.
5. Be unpredictable. Use the technique of interrupted stimulus. Shower the object of your desire with attention one day, but the next present yourself indifferent. Be bold. If the moment is right (emphasis on knowing the right moment) kiss instead of asking can I kiss you? Like Machiavelli advised a young friend: It’s better to be impetuous than prudent because women want the audacious rather than the cerebral (hence the expression I love as a friend). Sea impredecible. Use la t’ecnica del estímulo interrumpido. Llene de atenciones al objeto de su deseo un día, y el próximo preséntese indiferente. Sea audaz. Si el momento es adecuado (énfasis en saber determinar que el momento es apropiado) bese en vez de preguntar: ¿Te puedo dar un beso? Como le aconsejo Machiaveli a un joven amigo: Es mejor ser impetuoso que prudente porque las mujeres buscan entregarse al audaz no al pensante (de ahí la expresión solo te quiero como amigo.)
6. It’s good to be nice, but a little bit of badness helps. Good girls love bad boys, and a good man goes crazy over a fame fatale. Remember Mae West: When I m good I am good, but when I am bad I’m better. Está bien ser bueno, pero no olvide ser un poquito malo o mala. Las chicas bien se enloquecen por los chicos malos. Y Los caballeros pierden la cabeza por las damas fatales. Recuerde lo que dijo Mae West: Cuando soy buena soy buena, pero cuando soy mala soy mejor.
7. Find the point of less resistance. We all have a weak spot, or as they say in Wall Street, we all have a price. Observe and then exploit. Encuentre el punto de menor resistencia. Todos tenemos un lado flaco, o como dicen en el mundo de los negocios, todo el mundo tiene un precio. Observe y explote.
8. Be clean, and if you can’t afford a good perfume, be odorless. The idea is to present the person you want to be, said a Love Coach at her $500 Getting a Husband Seminar. It’s all in the packaging, and impeccable hygiene is part of the package. But English writer Charlotte Higgins doesn't think you should waste hundreds and thousands of dollars to get a date. Forget all those modern guides to dating, she wrote, if you want to find a partner, the ancient Roman Poet Ovid can tell you all you need to know in his poem Ars Amatoria. He advised in his didactic poem (a how-to poem): Keep your nails pared, and dirt-free;/ Don't let those long hairs sprout in your nostrils,/ make sure your breath is never offensive/ Avoid the rank male stench that wrinkles noses... (if you are interested in the original Latin: et nihil emineant et sint sine sordibus ungues, inque caua nullus stet tibi nare pilus. nec male odorati sit tristis anhelitus oris, nec laedat nares uirque paterque gregis.) Hay que ser aseado, y si no puede comprar un buen perfume, es mejor presentarse sin olores. La idea es proyectar la persona que usted quiere ser, dijo una Asesora de Amor en su seminario Para Conseguir Marido, que cuesta $500. Todo está en la presentación, y una higiene impecable es parte del paquete. Pero la escritora británica Charlotte Higgins no está de acuerdo en gastar cientos y miles de dólares para encontrar pareja. Olvídense de todos esas guías para conseguir pareja, si quiere encontrar a su media naranja (that’s right, your half orange) el antiguo poeta romano Oviedo le dirá todo lo que necesita saber en su poema Ars Amatoria. Recomendó en su poema didáctico: Mantenga las uñas cortadas y sin mugre;/ No deje que salten esos pelos largos de la nariz, / asegúrese que su aliento nunca sea ofensivo./Evite la rancia pestilencia masculina que arruga la nariz.
9. Be romantic. It’s nice to be romantic, but not idiotically romantic. Another conniving master, M. de la Rochefoucauld, warned: A man in love can have outbursts of madness. To act crazy occasionally is sexy, but a clown seldom is. Sea romántico. Es lindo ser romántico, pero sin llegar a la idiotez. Otro maestro de la confabulación, M. de la Rochefoucauld, advirtió: Un hombre enamorado puede tener ataques de locura. Actuar con locura a veces puede ser sexy, pero la payasada rara vez lo es.
10. Know when no means no. War strategists always have advised to fight when a battle is winnable, but to withdraw when the battle is not winnable, and to do it gracefully fast. Always have an exit strategy. Entienda cuando no significa no. Los estrategas militares siempre han aconsejado pelear cuando una batalla es ganable, pero retirarse cuando no lo es, y hacerlo de manera rápida y con gracia. Siempre tenga una estrategia de salida.

The Environment
The line you use has to be environment-correct. If you are trekking up a steep mountain in Peru, and you like the young man caring for the hogs, go ahead and use the line: Qué lindo el marranito, y el dueño no se queda atrás (nice piglet, and the owners isn’t bad either.) Of course don’t use it in Manhattan. At a club in the city, the first step is eye contact. But don’t stare. Staring is the new stalking. Keep eye contact for two or three seconds. Dating Coaches say another telling signal is the direction the shoe points. If his shoe points to you, by all means cross the room and say Hola. What trasnpires next has also been the subject of numerous essays and even doctoral dissertations.

Diccionario
Environment = Ambiente.
Place = Lugar.
Eye contact = Cruzar la mirada, contacto ocular.
Stare = Quedarse viendo, mantener la mirada, mirar fijamente.
Stalking = Acechar, perseguir.
Signal = Señal.
Vibes = Vibraciones, corazonada.
Point = Apuntar, señalar.

Five Common Pick Up Lines in Spanish

Latins don't use pick up lines. In fact we don’t have a good translation for pick up lines. We have the piropo, which has the same etymology as pyrotechnic, that is explosion. Piropos are flirtatious remarks. Past generations went to poetic extremes trying to reach the heart of a lady with a piropo. Now piropos have degenerated to vulgar remarks. I asked fifty people to submit favorites. Here are the five finalists:

1. Me pareces una persona muy profunda. You strike me as very deep person.
2. Si cocinas como caminas, me engordo. If you cook as you walk, boy, I’ll get fat.
3. ¿Te invito un trago o prefieres subir a ver mis dibujos? Can I buy you a drink, or you prefer to come up to see my sketches?
4. I LOVE YOU en inglés, TI AMO en italiano, pero lo mucho que TE QUIERO, te lo digo en castellano.
5. No soy pirata, pero qué tesoro me encontré. I am not a pirate, but some treasure I found.

Of course, no Latin Lover, male or female, stands a chance if he or she can’t dance. Dancing is the single most important tool. So if you are considering spending $500 for a Love Seminar, let me dissuade you. Instead go and join a salsa class. It’s good for your health. Its’ fun. And the lights are dim, and forgiving. The great Ovid said in his Ars Amatoria (The Art of Love): Plain you may be, but at night you'll look fine to the tipsy: Soft lights and shadows will mask your faults.

Sex Spanish: A MINI COURSE

Why Humans Have Sex, a study published by University of Texas psychologists Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss in the August Issue of Archives of Sexual Behavior, allows us to peek into the current psychology, physiology, culture and bedrooms of America. The study lists 237 categories, which constitute a great vehicle for a provocative Spanish mini-course.

Twelve Obvious Responses for Sex

1. I felt attracted to the person = me sentí atraído/a la persona (atraído for men, atraída for women).
2. It feels good = es rico.
3. Demonstrate love = demostrar amor.
4. I wanted to have a child = quería tener un hijo.
5. I wanted to communicate at a deeper level = Quería comunicarme en un nivel más profundo.
6. I wanted to say thank you = quería darle las gracias.
7. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release = estaba excitada y quería el alivio.
8. The person was intelligent = la persona era inteligente.
9. My hormones were out of control = mis hormonas estaban fuera de control.
10. To make money = para ganar dinero.
11. I thought it was my obligation = pensé que era mi obligación.
12. I am addicted to sex = soy adicto/a al sexo.

Twelve Less Obvious Reasons for Sex

1. Sentirme más cerca de Dios.
2. Curar el dolor de cabeza.
3. Vengarme de un enemigo.
4. Por compasión.
5. Para hacerle sentir poderosa a mi pareja.
6. Para ascender mi estatus social o económico.
7. Estaba cansada de ser virgen.
8. Porque ella/él tenía un cuerpo escultural.
9. Bebí demasiado.
10. Es un buen ejercicio aeróbico.
11. Para cambiar la conversación.
12. Pasarle a otra persona mi enfermedad venérea (por ejemplo: herpes, SIDA = Aids)
    
    Diccionario
    Sentirme = to feel. A reflexive verb. Yo me siento, tu te sientes. ¿Cómo te sientes? = How do you feel?
    Cerca = close. Más cerca = closer. Menos cerca = Less close. The art expression circa 1900 has the same etymology. It means around 1900, close to 1900.
    Dios = God. ¡Dios mío! = My God, gee wee, Holly Molly.
    Dolor de cabeza = headache. Dolor = pain, ache.
    Vengarme = to get revenge, to avenge. Venganza = revenge. Me vengo = I get revenge. Me vengo, from the verb venir, to come, coincidentally also means I’m coming (the sexual euphemism.)
    Por y para = for and by. The preposition por is used for motive, a reason, as in por compasión = because I felt sorry. Para connotes obejective and destination, as in para María = is for María. Para llegar muy lejos en esta compañía = to get far in this corporation.
    Cansada = to feel tired.
    Estar and ser = to be. Present tense of estar (a temporary state, a mood): Yo estoy = I am. Past tense: Yo estaba = I was. Present tense of ser (used for permanent characteristics and to for physical descriptions): Yo soy = I am. Past tense: Yo era = I was. In this case, cansada de ser virgen = tired of being a virgin.
    Tener = to have. Present tense: yo tengo, tu tienes, el/ella tiene = I have, you have, he/she has. Past tense: yo tenía, tú tenías, el/ella tenía = I had, I was having, I used to have.
    Cuerpo = body. ¡Qué cuerpo! What a body!
    Beber = drink, imbibe. Present tense: yo bebo = I drink. Past tense: Yo bebí = I drank.
    Demasiado = too much.
    Cambiar = to change.
    Pasar = to pass on, to transmit.
    Enfermedad = disease. Enfermedad de contagio sexual = STD.

Five Necessary Verbs for Sex

1. Hacer = to make, to do. Used in the euphemism hacer el amor = to make love. One of the reasons respondents in the study gave for having sex was to demostrate love = demostrar amor. Present tense of hacer: Yo hago, tu haces, el/ella hace = I make, I do, you make, you do, he/she makes, does. Past tensnse: Yo hice, tu hiciste = You made, did. It is not unusual to hear people exclaiming the morning after: ¿!Qué hice, Dios mío?! What did I do, My God! More often for such expression people use the past perfect: ¿¡Qué he hecho?! = What have I done?!
2. Dar = to give. Dar placer = to give pleasure. One student asked what was the Spanish equivalent of she gives it out. Ella lo da = she gives it. Ella se lo da = she gives it to him/her. Spanish-speakers do not use that expression often, except those who are influenced by English. So, my student pressed on, then what do Spanish-speakers used for she is not giving it out?
3. Acostarse = to go to bed, to lie down, to get to bed. My student insisted: What is the Spanish equivalent for She gives it out easily. Se acuesta con cualquiera = she goes to bed with anyone. Dominicans have a colorful expression for the ocassion: Ella es un avión = she is an airplane. I asked a Dominican friend to explain the metaphor. She said: porque un avión aterriza en cuaquier cama = because un avión lands in any bed.
4. Cuidarse = to take care of oneself, to protect oneself. The incidence of STD, enfermedades de contagio sexual o enfermedades venéreas, makes the verb cuirdarse for sex as important as the verb desear = to desire. People use el deseo = desire, the noun, and the verb desear more in art than in the bedroom. Luis Buñuel, the late Spanish filmmaker, for instance, made a great movie that explores the dark aspects of desire: Ese oscuro objeto del deseo = That Obscure Object of Desire. Tener ganas is more common. Tener ganas is not easily translated. Tengo ganas = I feel like..., I have a desire for... For example: Tengo ganas de helado = I feel like ice cream. Qué ganas tengo de chocolate = I’m dying for some chocolate. Te tengo ganas = I feel like loving you, I want to have sex with you. Qué ganas que te tengo = I do, I really do, please, please...
5. Meter. To end the list of useful verbs for sex, I quote the poet: ¡Meter o no meter, ese es mi dilema! Meter = to insert. My student asked: What about penetrate? The verb penetrar in Spanish is used by laywers in Court but seldom by lovers in the bedroom.

Appropriate Sex Expressions
I conducted an informal (certainly not scientific) survey of expression often used in the bedroom, dormitorio. Here are 17 responses:

¡Qué rico! = Nice! I like that! Delicious! It feels good.
Así no = not like that.
Más = more.
¿Quién es tú papi? = Who’s your daddy?
Por ahí no = not there.
¿Es tuyo todo eso? = Is all that yours?
Solo un poquito = just a little bit.
¿Cómo que ya? = What do you mean already?
¡Egosita! = Selfish!
¿Me quieres? = Do you love me?
Claro que te quiero = Of course I love you.
Para, para = Stop! Stop!
No pares! No pares! = Don’t stop! Don’t stop!
Tines un condón = Do you have a condom?
Qué! = What!
¡Coñó! = Damn! Without stressing the last syllable it is a universal interjection in the Caribbean tantamount to gee, boy, wow.
Mi reino por un condón = my kingdom for a condom!

One Last Reason
I listed in my book Llegar a 100, a manual for a healthy heart, that sex is important to keep the heart healthy, that quality and quantity counted. Sex is equivalent to a twenty-minute walk. Not surprisingly, according to the study Why Humans Have Sex, respondents thought sex made them feel healthier (reason number 105). My student summarized it in perfect Spanish: Sexo es salud.